eleuthera's Xanga

The reality of fate

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 06:08:51 GMT

I looked someone very dear to me in the eyes today and saw the machinations of a perverted psyche. I saw trends and seemingly incongruous behaviors fall into place like pieces of a puzzle. For the first time, I truly saw and understood the justifications of the damned.

And it scared the shit out of me.

I saw a flippancy that could lead to more criminal activities or worse. I saw an ego convinced of it's entitlement to exercise itself in selfishly dangerous activities. I saw a dark and diseased picture of the world with just enough truth and reality to make it stick. I realized that I was sitting next to a person who could legitimize almost anything, and wondered if tomorrow I'd be sitting next to a murderer, an arsonist, or rapist.

I also saw that I was stupid. How foolish of I to think that it might ever change, that decades of picking at the same scabs wouldn't crust over bad habits and replace them with scars.

The fear of death pales in comparison to the all encompassing knowledge that there is nothing you can do to change someone's future from the path it was forced down by choices taken long ago. There is nothing more nauseating than witnessing and understanding the misery of the damned hidden behind a facade of flippancy and arrogance.

It's inevitable: this person, whom I loved, cared for, and hoped for, would soon be a serious criminal.

If he wasn't already.

Finals are Shit-tastic!

Thu, 10 May 2007 05:39:21 GMT

So finals are over... any last thoughts?

My favorite memory of the semester is getting a B+ in French 101. Honestly, I'm proud of my non-A, even though I'm obsessed with getting the A+ in as many classes as possible. For the longest time, I was convinced that I sucked at foreign languages, so I avoided taking them as long as I could. Until, of course, I signed up for a BA through the College of Liberal Arts and was forced to. Without too much pain, but a lot more studying than I usually do, I managed to almost get an A in a foreign language class that wasn't dumbed down.

Summary:
Accomplishing something you know you can do is nice.
Accomplishing something you thought you couldn't do is fucking awesome!

Honors 172 was just bleh. I hated getting up for that nasty 7:40 class, so I'm glad that's over. I'm going to miss the friends I made and the teacher though; Popova was an unrepentant liberal. Reading Durkheim, Marx, and Fanon probably wasn't the best way to curb my Socialist tendencies...

Comparative Politics was a joke. Everyone I knew in that class worshiped the ground that the professor walked on. In his defense, he was a cool guy and a good lecturer, but the class was so boring and easy I wanted to scream. There was no drama, no critical thinking, no political polarization. I must be some sort of masochist, because I'm dissing the easiest class I took all semester. Yeah, I didn't go to class for about two months, just like my last Political Science class, and managed to pull off an A. I'm so incredibly glad I dropped that Political Science Major - too easy.

Logic was awesome. I had the most hyper organized professor on the planet, who lectured like she could organize 40-page thesis papers in her head or something. The class was easy as pie, but I loved it all the same. Plus, the coveted A+ was a nice touch. Oh, over achievement, how I love thee. Logic was everything I liked about math, and nothing I hated about math wrapped in the easily digestible package of an easy A.

Philosophy 101 was interesting. This was my first foray into the meat and potatoes of my new major, and I was pleasantly surprised. Even though the class was taught by a TA and some of the commentary from the peanut-gallery bordered on clinically retarded, reading shit by old guys and talking about the philosophical implications of putting your brain in a vat was fun. What wasn't fun was that written final. I hope that I should not expect more 10-page written short-answer exams in the course of my Philosophy degree, or I'll have some major hand-cramps.

My overall thoughts on my first completed year of college?

Well, college is weird. I never have the same people in my classes, and I miss the closeness of my ultra-small high school. However, I love that my TA's and Professors are mostly competent, so I don't expect a repeat of High School Junior English.

I love my new degree, even as semi-useless as it is. It has all the vigor and challenge, and none of the "just push people through with passing grades" shit that I found in the larger departments. Philosophy is hard, you have to pay attention... not to mention the 45-credit hour requirement is insane next to the 30-hour requirements of most of the other liberal arts degrees. For the first time, I feel like I can see the end of the tunnel when it comes to college, and I'm glad.

I'm still planning on going to law school, but I'm not as set in that path as I used to be. I think I'm just going to apply to prestigious law schools and the most renowned Masters and PhD Philosophy Departments and see what bites. If I can get into the best law schools, I'll go there. If the best Philosophy Departments love my thesis, I'll do that. I expect my parents won't be happy if I pursue a Graduate Degree in a field that can only lead to teaching, but I really don't much care.

Next semester will be the biggest test. The vast majority of my classes are all Junior-level, and degree-required with small class sizes. They should be the real test of my mettle when it comes to digesting and reading lots of convoluted shit by dead guys. I think the only major that reads more than me is an English major, but unlike those unlucky people, the shit I read is never easy or exciting. Then again, I can't write creatively for shit, so I shouldn't be dissing the English majors.

Got rebellion?

Sat, 05 May 2007 08:38:54 GMT

09-F9-11-02-9D-74-E3-5B-D8-41-56-C5-63-56-88-C0

Starcraft 2?

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 07:07:09 GMT

It might just be true!

Is anyone about to dance in public naked for sheer glee? I know I am.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 07:52:13 GMT

Stand Still While I Beat You With the Corporate Phallus

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 04:08:07 GMT

So I said to myself today, "every thing's fucked. Except this latte. This is a really nice latte". In my defense, it was an awesome latte. It even had soy and vanilla. Nothing is better than lactose-intolerant yuppie goodness.

This happened between the tedium of classes, when I make grandiose statements to an imaginary audience in my mind. They are always adoring, chiseled, male, and naked. I quote Marx and Durkheim and compare the voting lever to a massive phallus stroked to an orgasm of quivering corporate lust every two years. It's passionate, it's disturbing, it's dirty and oh so Socialist.

Exhausted by the outpouring of mental Statist propaganda, I found myself coming down from my latte-induced high. Not only was the world fucked, I was fucked! I found myself realizing the depths of my deviancy. Paranoid enough to boycott chains that move in across the street from my favorite independent coffee shop, I buy fuel-efficent light bulbs, and watch Gore's documentary without yelling 'bullshit!' at the screen and running out to buy a Hummer to wallow in the foul stench of my denial. I am so un-American. For God's sake, I even vote during the off-years. What kind of apathetic youth am I? My musings, of course, were then cut short by the onset of French class.

So, after a mind-numbingly boring day in the sweatshop of oppression known as college, I went home and logged into Essembly. Man, do I miss those people. Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the verge of running out and buying organic or throwing copies of Rousseau's "Discourse of Inequality" at the corporate marionettes in training (aka business students). Then, I go there, and I find that I'm distressingly normal.

I might be a bit off-the-wall, but some of then are really fucked.

Procrastination

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 15:06:47 GMT

I have an oral exam in French today, and I still cannot figure out how to pronounce "mais". I also always slur everything together when I have to say something like "je préfère préparer..." and it comes out sounding nothing like it's supposed to. I think they need to make the entire French book on an audio tape, so I can figure out how the hell to pronounce half the words. When I go over my vocabulary for tests, I seriously have to pull up a pronouncation guide. Don't get me wrong, I like French, but speaking it is really hard. Reading it, not so much. I always love the listening comprehension parts of the tests too, they ensure that I will never get higher than an A- on any test. Not that I have gotten anything close to an A since the beginning of the course. I'm just counting on the 4.3s I get in my easy classes to make up for the suckage that is my French class. Languages are hard, you can't bullshit them. Well, I have three more semesters of taking French, so I better get used to it. Joy.

I keep ditching my classes all the time. I don't know why, but I can't help myself. Well, it also doesn't hurt that I have been sick for a month, and didn't go to class for three weeks. I really can't wait to get out of 100-level courses, because I'm about to kill myself out of boredom. I have to go to class to get the notes for the tests, but then again, I really don't want to, because I get most of the concepts the first time, and then I just want the lecturer to shut up so I can sleep.

Do I ever do anything but complain and vent in my blog? No, not really. At least I'm a bitch here and not in person. Well, sometimes I'm a bitch in person.

I cleaned my room last weekend, and now it's a mess again. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind cleaning, and I like having a clean room, I just have better things to do with my time. Like procrastinate and sleep. And occasionally eat. Actually, I haven't been doing so much of the eating lately. Apparently having the stomach flu for two weeks straight really messes up your digestive system. I tried having steak the other night, with nasty results. I think I'm just going to have to eat jello for the rest of my life. And cheetos. I don't care if they make me sick, I love my damn cheetos. Not those nasty hot ones, just the cheesy ones.

WTF?

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 23:59:57 GMT

Apparently, I type 90 WPM. I had to take a typing test for an employment agency. She said that I would type more like 120 if I didn't mess up so often.

I thought I typed more like 60. I guess I'm just a freak.

Gee, I completely ruined my eyesight, and all I got was this shitty WPM.

Vocabulary Lesson

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 14:37:37 GMT

New insults, frequency of use has a positive correlation to alcohol intake:

- Capitalist Scumbag
- The Man's Bitch

New favourite quote:
"The voting lever does nothing but masturbate the corporate machine"

I've read far too much Marx and Engels lately.

Quoted for Truth:

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 22:17:31 GMT

RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20520

I. EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

A. LAW ENFORCEMENT

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976, for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

B. MILITARY

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

C. COLLEGE

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

II. PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

a) I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
b) I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry - including Enron CEO Ken Lay - I was elected governor of Texas.

III. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS

a) I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
b) During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
c) I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
d) I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
e) With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

IV. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT

a) I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
b) invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
c) I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
d) I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
e) I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
f) I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
g) I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
h) In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
i) I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
j) I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
k) My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
l) My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
m) I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
n) More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
o) I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
p) I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
q) I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
r) I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
s) I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
t) I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
u) I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
v) I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S . "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
w) I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election.)
x) I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
y) I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
z) I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
aa) I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
ab) I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
ac) I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families - in wartime!
ad) In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
ae) I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
af) I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to justice.

V. RECORDS AND REFERENCES

a) All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
b) All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
c) All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.